Do you remember this friend that just a little bit pathetic? The one that lets the sad feelings spill all around and affects the dynamic of the group?
I am now that friend… I have been for a few weeks now… Since last night, though, it’s worse…
Up until May, I was sad and mopey and pathetic. Then I met someone who made me feel again. Not just the good emotions. The bad as well. The problem with this situation is that you get used to being numb for a while and then all these feelings wake. It’s overwhelming, exhausting and incredibly scary… I was scared.
The person that made me feel though… I hate him. I hate him all so much because I don’t really hate him. Yesterday, I stood with my already broken heart in hand and he said ”No, thanks”…
He said it a lot nicer than this. And I want to be mad. I want to hate him. I want him to just not exist, but life has other plans, as you know.
That person gave me a gift. He breathed new life into me the second he smiled at me and the second he kissed me.
So now, I am mopey. I am sad. And I am pathetic. I check my phone every few minutes while hoping for a text from him. But that text won’t come.
While it didn’t work out in the end, I have a ton of gratitude for him. Even though my heart feels like a punching bag, I know I will pull myself back together and I will have learned another lesson.
So…. I am trying not to be that pathetic. And sometimes, that is all you can do!