Lately I’ve been waking up in the morning and I know exactly how my day is going to go. Does it ever happen to you too?
On those days, you might wake up, do a little exercise to stretch, take a shower and take on another bright, literally or otherwise, beautiful day. You do your best to be productive at work, you go for a walk, you do your shopping, breathe the fresh air and then you get back in the comforts of your home. Your late afternoon and evening can be spent in any other way… Yoga class, cooking, catching up on things online, watching a movie or two… And the day is a success!
Or maybe, you roll out of bed in the morning with a frown on your face, one that has been there for quite a while and showering is the only thing that makes you feel ambitious. The few steps you might have to take from your bed to your desk is not really helping either and it’s certainly not what you dreamt of for your personal and professional life… Or you might take a nap, go out for a bit of shopping and then binge another show before bed. During those days, you might feel like a failure as you had the whole day to achieve everything and anything but you hardly did so.
The majority of days I used to be one that bursted with enthusiasm and positive thoughts, ready to achieve everything and anything. However, these last few weeks – a month maybe – I know exactly how my day is going to go. And I feel lost.
Truthfully, there is nothing wrong with me personally. I live in a beautiful country with possibilities. I live in a good neighborhood with people who enjoy every bit of their day and even more so when they can be outside, watching the kids play. I live in a beautiful house with a garden and my dog as the best of companies… But Covid happened and the lockdown hit us.
Before all this, I was busy. The busiest I have ever been really! I might have lived in another country with less possibilities and a not-so-good-future where I earned little but I was happy. Now, my hardest challenge is that I have too much time to think. With all that free time, my mind wanders on things, important and the insignificant ones. The last few weeks, I’ve had a hard time controlling my thoughts. I keep thinking of all the things I could have done differently by now, or the things I do not have in my life, what I am missing, the people I am missing… And I feel like I won’t change any time soon.
I can certainly say that seeing others sharing their happiest moments on social media is harmful to me. Or seeing how others can be so creative makes me realize how little I have done so far. But then I try to remember that everyone is fighting some battle at the moment.
I feel lost. At the beginning, I thought this free time would be a good thing. That I would take advantage of it to write more or learn something new, but most of the time my mind is foggy. I know I have to chooe the right path and yet I do not know which is the right path now. Not anymore at least.
I do not know what sort of advice I can give to you, if you are just as lost… I do not tend to listen to my own advices. But all I can think is… We need to become our own friends. Tell yourself everything you would tell a friend during such hard times. It doesn’t matter if you have all the answers or not. Maybe, right now, you’re supposed to be a bit lost. Maybe it’s for the best.
Of Coffee Thoughts 