For the greater part of 2019-2020, I have been single. Generally, I have been very bad at remaining unattached. Especially in the romantic way. At the beginning, I thought it was because I enjoyed being with someone, being part of a team. However, these days, I realize that the reason behind all this was mainly because of me. I physically, mentally and emotionally didn’t know how to be on my own for too long. Whenever one good thing ended, I started seeking for another person to share my life with. Let us face it, being alone is terrifying to most of us.
So, in light of this discovery, I untied all knots that held me back and I boarded a train big enough for one. Myself.
For quite a while now, I’ve been wanting to date myself. It is exciting! I was looking forward to discovering this self of mine, at this age, without the influences of everyone I have been close to before. You see, when we are in a relationship, we forget how to open the files of our own personal happiness. While involved in a relationship with someone else, I stopped trying to remember how to do that and that mean, whenever I wasn’t with someone, I’d sit in my corner and let darkness consume me.
So now, I wanted to be me. Entirely me. Just me. Uninfluenced. I wanted to see my personal taste in clothes. Or be able to eat olives because I absolutely love them! Or listen to my kind of music. Watch my most favorite movies a thousand times.
The overall experience of being unattached is wonderful. You are free. After years of trying to share my happiness, no matter how successful I was or not, suddenly all this was mine. Just mine. There is the downside which meant that my unhappiness was also entirely mine. But hey! That’s what family and friends are for! It took a little time to get used to this new reality, and in all honest, I do not know how long it will last for me. Nevertheless, it is an adveture to discover that I had forgotten myself a tiny bit. I had forgotten how it felt to make a decision without waiting for the approval of somebody else. Or how it felt to spent my free time doing things I love. Even to this day, I am amazed at how we sacrifice out little shreds of happiness for someone else.
Personally, I encourage you to date yourself a little bit when you get the chance. Go for a coffee or for dinner. Go to the movies alone. Try new things alone. Travel alone. Get to know yourself at the age you are. For a little while you will be in control of your train. You must enjoy that!
